yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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