The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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