peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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