4 words: hood of his car
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
