I just threw up on my dentist
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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