you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
