it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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