youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
