my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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