I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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