I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
