My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
