don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
