On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
