I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
