i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
