If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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