i think my tv is drunk
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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