Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
