A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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