Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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