Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
