She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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