I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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