Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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