girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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