I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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