She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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