I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
