How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
