I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
