I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
