We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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