this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
