I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
