He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
