next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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