I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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