just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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