bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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