also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize