i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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