it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
