On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
