She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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