I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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