I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
