he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
