Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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