I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
