last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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