so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
