they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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