Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize