This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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