dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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