You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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