I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
