i just had sex bonerless
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
