Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
