I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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