Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
