Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
