The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
