STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
