the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
