Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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