so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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