The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
