At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
