You smell like a Billy Joel song
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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