I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
